I never know when the writing vibe is going to come so I often use my itouch to note certain moments that I'm having or experiences that are taking place at that twinkle of time. My latest one was in the subway station -- It was close to midnight and I was waiting for the subway to arrive. At this particular station a glass wall separates the subway tracks from station. Glass doors open and close when the subway arrives (this is in part due to that fact that many people have committed sucided by jumping out into the tracks as the subway approaches)-- My moment began when I sat down at a bench -- looking to the right was a korean man leaning against the white wall dressed in a suit talking on the phone , to the left sitting on a bench a few feet away were 2 british girls half drunk talking about some guy they had just met- My eyes then focused on the glass reflection in front.... and there I saw - me. Sitting on a bench, at some random station in South Korea, blond hair swiped to one side, tall black leather boots, and a green winter jacket with soft white and brown fur rimmed around the hood. Who was this girl? Do I know her? I wasn't having a bad day, in fact it was considerably good but I couldn't help but realize how alone a person (or I) look sitting on a bench. It was like I was seeing myself from a 3rd person point of view. I was seeing myself as this estranged foreigner. I reached for my itouch and noted this.....
"I live a life that is unknown. The normality of society will not be the life that I lead.... The subway still hasn't come. Maybe they stop running at 12?? but i thought it was 12:30? I'm not sure if this subway will come tonight or if I will have to find another means of transporting home... (I reflect back to a conversation I had with a friend that tonight)... Contrast: constrast in life will ultimatily decide what we want and what we dont want in life. The definition of contrast art refers to the arrangement of opposite elements (light vs. dark colors, rough vs. smooth textures, large vs. small shapes, etc.) In a painting, contrast is what creates visual interest, excitement and drama. My life is like a contrast painiting - but am I the artist of my life? Am I the one holding the brush? or does something else control the brush and I am the visual form conveyed on the canvas?..... the bell is ringing- the subway is approaching"
***Although this is more of a journal writing vs. a blog piece- I thought I'd share one of the many moments of my self reflection and my never ending search for the 'purpose of my beating heart'.
